Red Light.....Green Light

Direction. That word could probably sum up my last couple of weeks. Africa, London, Durham, Amsterdam and now Paris. Yesterday Curtis and I were standing around Amsterdam looking at each other, when we blurted out, "Wanna go to Paris!" It was priceless and pretty well sums up our trip thus far. Either that or one of my favorite two word phrases - gong show. Brittany, if you are listening, we could sure use your organizational skills!!!! Flying by the seat of your pants is fun......but we give that term a whole new meaning. If you could see us last night wandering the streets of Paris at 2:30am looking for a hostel - you'd understand perfectly....lol. But seriously it has been priceless (well, except when considering the Euros I've dished out so far, its been very priceFULL), just flying by the seat of our pants, not having anywhere to be or go, or answer to, just sort of be.


I must admit I can't blog about each of our experiences, they are simply too many - Pints and Pinters in Durham, Evensong and morning prayer in the Cathedral of St. Cuthbert, smores with the Millers (sorry Meghan), sitting in on a John Barclay class on Paul and Augustine, an English breakfast in downtown London, riding a ferry from the UK to Amsterdam, the canals of Amsterdam, walking around the Red Light District, talking with prostitutes, cheering up the ladies in a cheese shop in Holland, and now figuring out how to order a pizza in France without having the slightest clue what the heck will be on it (yesterday I ordered a Mediterranean pizza expecting a veggie dish and it was covered in fish!!!, but alas it was delicious - gotta love the French). I could easily blog a whole entry about any one of these experiences - I've cherished each one.


Yet I promised I would discuss one thing - direction. I find it fitting considering my circumstances. I've had a hard time transitioning back to "reality" here in the "real world." The hustle and bustle is hard to get used to after the red dirt of Africa. It's just so different I guess. It's been hard to know, on our tour, how to serve, how to love, how to follow Christ intimately in such a busy world - one that seems to ignore Him altogether. I must say, it was easier being a Christian - or at least feeling like one - in Africa. Here, in the progressive, modern world, I've found it much harder. Much more difficult to find my "direction."


Curtis and I often pray, talk about and research where we should go next. We call people, look for open doors and try to look for another when one is shut. And to be honest, its been hard. Often times we have been discouraged. We've seen a few contacts slip through the cracks recently and have felt like we weren't "doing" enough or "serving" enough and can feel insufficient. We have been lost, with no direction.


At the same time, as I'm trying to figure out my own life and calling. Whether it be farming, teaching, pastoring or writing, getting more education or just settling down, I again find myself lost. Maybe its my indecisiveness, lol, I didn't need to go on a trip like this to know that about myself. Let me tell you with Curtis along, it only gets worse!!!! Insert Brittany here again. But I sort of came to a subtle realization the other day as I was writing in my journal. Often, I think, we've been so concerned with trying to serve God, help people that we've sort of missed the point. We've been spinning around upside-down, not knowing where or who or what to do next. In the midst of looking for all of this life-giving opportunities, we have missed life itself. Just enjoying life and the beauty God has made us to be. Instead of being confident in who God made us to be and trusting that Christ IS and ALWAYS working through us - we try to do it all on our own. It's tiring and often depressing when we don't live up to our own "standards of success." I think it can be very similiar in our own personal lives.


Now, I'm realizing, that God is with us no matter where we go. His presence always exudes from us, because that is his temple, inside us - HE is the hope of glory - not us. His light shines through our cracks no matter what continent we are on. And it will always look different with different people, diferent cultures and different history. Now instead of dreading our next chapter of our trip and trying not to "plan" to much, we are excited and expectant to enjoy life and trust that God will be there when we get there, wherever that might be.


I think subconsciously we've compared our trip to that of Dan, Kenton and Jordans and even my month in Africa. They had an awesome trip and I've always told them how much that inspired me and how I look up to them. But, Curtis and I are learning that we are built different than those boys. We're in a different culture than Africa. We are built different, live different and will love and serve different. It's been hard, but when I realized this, I had a peace about it. All that matters is that we are willing, that we keep Christ at the center, and then the people/opportunites/connections will come. I wrote in my journal - we need to be less like Martha and more like Mary (I hope I got that right.) And so we're planning the rest out today with some - new direction. So we are going to enjoy Europe, take in the sights, enjoy life and at the same time pray, seek and ask that God would push us and steer us into people and towns as we stumble along.


Maybe you feel lost in life. Confused. Not sure how to live. Maybe you can relate - you feel like you're not doing enough. Your a failure as a Christian. I think we need to stop worrying so much about the hows, wheres, whens, and whats and just be. Keep Christ close to your hearts, subtlely follow Him, be willing, pray and seek - and the rest he'll faithfully fill in. I look at my life 10 years ago and when I realize that - I can vividly see - he is walking with me, he is pushing and guiding me along - even if I don't see it day by day. Know, that He is with you, always. When you put your trust and faith in Him, there is no where you can go where you can get lost. Stop worrying about trying to be in God's will and messing that up, but rather enjoy life, every second as it comes to you and realize no matter what you do, if you are seeking and holding Christ at the center, he will be with you and bless you. So make your "plans" as we are, and watch and find indeed, he will "direct" your path. Can't wait to see what's next.