Short Stories From Another World

Hello all!!! It seems every time I get on here I apologize for NOT getting on here. But I guess that is the life of a traveler. Usually I like to share what's on my heart, or circulating in and around my brain, but for today, I think an update should suffice. A few "short stories" just to keep you in the loop.


Back to India. No!!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding. But I must say, India was a whole other world. I can't explain it. You just have to go and experience it. You don't go to India to sightsee or visit any extraordinary monument (save the Taj Mahal, which is glorious by the way), but you go just to be.....well...... in India. It's a whole "sight to see" in and of itself. We hadn't been in India for more than 3 days and we both had been scammed not once......but twice. You'd think you'd learn your lesson, but those Indians are sly little bastards (if I can use such language.) They will be your best friend right up until they screw ya. We ended up in really sketchy hotels, a crazy houseboat, a 24 hour grimy bus ride, paying hundreds of dollars more than we should have, and just honestly left feeling really used and abused. It's a terrible feeling. Being taken advantage of. Someone told us while we were there - Indians will never outright rob you, but they will try to take everything they can from you. We found this most often to be the case. Also just the worldview, way of life and environment (if you can even say that word about India), is just so upside down from our way of life. Sheer madness. Two words to describe it perfectly would be - gong show. Constant honking horns, no traffic lights, constant nattering from venders and taxis, garbage EVERYWHERE, cows and goats roaming down the streets eating whatever they please - mostly garbage, and just people everywhere. The garbage especially really got to me. It is ridiculous. You have to see it. It really is disturbing. Their way of life, based in Hinduism and the caste system is really degrading. We met a "British" Indian, Jeff, who filled us in one day on a train. You can't move up or down in life - you are born into your caste. That's it. If your poor, your poor, that is your lot in life. You are what you are - born that way. So people mostly live however they want, or should I say, whatever they get. It really affects their whole way of life and society. The poor in India....are really the poorest of the poor. There is no point or reason to help them. People who say that "all religions lead to the same God or teach the same fundamental things" are simply ignorant. That is simply not true. Not only are our beliefs about the afterlife extremely different, but because of that, our lives here now, are extremely affected by what we hold to be true. That being said, my heart was often filled with sadness while being in India.


But not EVERYTHING was bad in India. In fact, people told us you have to be there at least a month to really enjoy it. To get used to the environment and shed the culture shock. By the end I was ready to leave no doubt, but I did find myself getting used to things. The Taj Mahal was simply stunning.....a massive structure, pure marble - daunting, a must see in this life. And the street food, yes I ate the street food, was unbelievable. You could eat for like 40 cents and have an unbelievable kabuli, masala chicken or lentil dish with naan bread. Mmmm....the best Indian I 've ever had. Plus eating with your hands is always fun. Although I did get sick for a day and a half - another staple of India.....ever had the Jimmy poops with an Indian toilet? Not cool. Plus we finally did make a connnection with some Christians we could trust - Ramesh and his family. We visited his Bible study, Curtis shared a confirming word for them, we prayed together and we were all really encouraged. It was cool. And then the very best was working at the Mother Teresa House for "The Dying and Destitute" for our last couple of days in Calcutta. It was a real eye opener and a humbling experience. I could fill a whole page just on that alone. You must try to go. Mother Teresa truly was a real women of God, a real suffering servant for the Lord.


THAILAND!!! Ya I'll switch that fast. Thailand was a breathe of fresh air. Clean, modern....just a bit of "normalness" and security after India. We hung out with Mike Knudsen in Bangkok for about 4-5 days and it was awesome. We shared stories, passions, struggles and beers together. I loved every minute of it. Oh and we ate duck tongue along with some of the hottest flippin' Thai food, or any food for that matter, that I've ever eaten. I remember looking across the table and watching Mike just sweating - dying from the heat, lol, I will always carry that visual with me. We also went stark crazy buying jeans, shorts, and shirts at the street market - another must experience for travelers - I'm actually turning into quite the barterer!!! Who knew!!! We also went to the dentist there and got my tooth fixed...finally!!!! No more Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber!!! Haha. From there we went down to Koh Phi Phi and just relaxed and restored for about a week. We just lounged on the beach and got addicted to banana shakes - which I will be bringing to Moose Lake 2009 by the way. There we were blessed to meet a cool guy named Mark from Edmonton. He took us deep sea fishing - no charge!!!! We really wanted to go earlier, but didn't have the finances - so it was a total blessing from God. So cool. The line hadn't been in the water 5 minutes and Curtis and Mark had caught two massive King fish - wicked.


From Thailand we literally raced through Malaysia, Singapore and made it to the Philippines. On the way we did a rainforest trek, swam in a waterfall, saw the biggest flower in the world, spent my birthday in Kuala Lumpur, right next to the Petronas towers (see above for must sees), and realized that Singapore is NOT the cleanest country in the world. I think our own Canada may hold that title thus far.


And now finally to today. I find myself in an internet shop in Davao, Philippines. We have been here for almost 2 weeks and leave in 2 days. It has been a rich time. We have spent time with Dave Wicks, Jr at a ministry called "House of Jubilee." It has been awesome. They really serve the local kids here - feeding them, teaching them and just loving and caring on them. It's perfect. All of the kids are poor, and lots have been abused and rejected - so all we try to do is love on them the best we can. We offer a high five, handshake, hug or some form of ridiculous entertainment from time to time. But really its the kids that teach us the most day in and day out. They are little warriors - a daily inspiration. We have also been blessed to lead devos in the morning, hang out, teach some of the youth and just really enjoy Dave and Liz's company. And of course now that Dave Sr arrived, we glean wisdom from him daily. It's been great.


From here we'll go to Hong Kong for 4 days and then to Australia. Our trip is winding down!!! To share all the stories and experiences would be impossible. But I am taking loads of pictures, which I realize are not up on Facebook here (I don't have my cord...idiot), and I'm almost journaling daily. Plus I have an outstanding memory.......NAAAAAAAAAAT!!! So hopefully those 3 things will help me share and hold the memories with you and for a lifetime.


Some days are unbelieable - exciting, full of adventure and life. Others are hard - frustrating, depressing and lonely. But that is the journey we signed up for. I have learned SOOOOO much about myself it is ridiculous. What I need to change about myself. Who I really am. Who I really want to be. Who I need to be. God has really been revealing things to me and working on my character daily - restoring and refining me each day. I have also grown a lot in the Lord. Doing daily devotions, making that and prayer important, and just trying to live in him every single day - habits I hope I can carry back home with me. Seeing God's faithfulness and grace out here has been phenomenal.....unbelievable. We even started making a list, because, we as broken human beings, are so easy to forget. We have seen and experienced some neat things - HE IS SO GOOD. He really does care about our everyday lives and wants to be saturated in them...here or at home. It really does make a difference. In fact, Mom, those 5 things you listed in your note to me before I left - that you'd be praying for while we were away - I have seen ALL 5 of them come to pass. Seriously....your prayers are powerful and I see the fruit of them daily.


So.......one more short paragraph. I'll be home soon. 6 weeks. I look forward to it. I also made a list of things I miss from home!!! So I don't forget when I get back - you really realize what you have when its gone. Like real milk and peanut butter for one!!! We will try to finish well out here on the road, but please keep praying for us. It helps. Curtis and I talked about the trip being over the other day. It will be sad....and weird actually. We have spent so much time together, shared in so many experiences that it will be hard to finally split up. It's like we are being prepared for marriage, lol, - sharing in frustrations, joys, prayers, deep talks and fights.....everything. But its been really good and challenging. We are finding the proverb - as iron sharpens iron so will you sharpen each other for the Lord - to be true. It's good. If possible, I recommend a trip like this to all. Well I gotta jet. Off to the House of Jubilee to learn from the kids and harass "old" Dave. Love you all. Peace.

I See Your Ancient Ruins and I'll Raise You A Cathedral

Well, since the last time I've blogged a lot has happened - my front fake tooth broke off (I look ridiculous), Curtis has eaten lamb brain, Curtis and I split up (him in India and me in Saudi Arabia), I've slept on the floor in the Doha airport....ALONE, watched a football game in Greece, a cricket game in India, and we've been interviewed for the New Delhi news!!!!

All that to say, once again, I wish I could get on here more often.  Before I get to India, and trust me there is a lot, I must conclude some last thoughts of Europe.  Although there was a lot of cool things in Europe - rich food and desserts, diverse cultures and people, and the very, very, very strong EURO!!!!!!, the thing that struck me the most was the history.  One thing we lack in Canada for sure.  The history in Europe is soooo rich.  And its all there for you to see.  It's really cool.  The massive cathedrals in the UK, the daunting ruins in Rome, the museums in Paris, the gothic castle and Charles bridge in Prague, the granduer of St. Peters and of course the start of Western civilization (you and I), at the Partheon in Athens, Greece.  All simply stunning.  Peoples' lives right before you.  But the thing I kept finding was that so much of it is drenched in Christianity.  It is everywhere.  You can't avoid it.  It doesn't take very long before you see the story of Christianity on the outside of an ancient cathedral or inscribed on something more durable than drywall.  Still there.....2000 years later.  Facinating.

It brought me to recognize one very important and central fact regarding Christianity.  At its very centre, at its heart, its very core - is a historical event.  The resurrection of Jesus Christ.  This is what makes Christianity unique.  NO OTHER RELIGION has this.  ALL other religions are based off an ideology or ideas.  A way of life.  A philosophy.   (Clayton, this is where you correct me if  I'm wrong).  It is a set of ideas or beliefs written down that somehow explain our life, our existence.  And, I don't find it ironic, this usually happens only through one man - a "revelation."  Usually alone.  But Christianity is different.  It claims that Jesus Christ was and is God and that he actually, literally died and rose from the dead.  Not only that, but that he prophesized that this would happen while he was still living.  It was the one event above all that proved his divinity.  That is what the writers of the Bible are telling us.  That is the message they had to get out to the world.  And from that moment on, the world has never been the same.  From this event, time itself was split in half.  2009 A.D........after death.  It's been 2009 years since this event.

Also, God trusted his message of love and salvation to us.  This is also unique.  He himself, Christ, didn't write anything.  He let his disciples, his followers, his prophets write it down for us.  Which creates the Bible.  It is beautiful how it all fits together.  Like 50 different writers all telling the same story through 2000 years of time.  Amazing.  That itself is a miracle, how it all fits.  They were all writing through history - giving each letter significance and importance - correlating together.  To offset this, Joseph Smith (the founder of Mormonism), wrote the premises of Mormonism in a cave by himself, as an angel "revealed" it to him - the real revelation.  Seems a tad sketchy to me.  And since then, there has never been anything found, no city, no coins, no historical or archeological evidence that would suggest the story in the Book Of Mormon is anything but a fairy tale.  The Islam story with Mohammed and the Koran is strikingly similar - the final revelation (again Clink, correct me if I'm wrong).  Christianity on the other hand is often used as a source for archelogical digs ITSELF because it IS so reliable historically.  

That's because the gospel writers simply are trying to tell us WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.  What they saw.  What they experienced.  What they touched.  Where it happened.  To give us as much info as they can.....so that we might see and understand and believe.  They saw and touched the risen Christ.  I journaled about this the other day....if a miracle happened how would you prove it to people.  Or what would you do?  If its a miracle then its out of the ordinary, extraordinary - for thats what makes a miracle, a miracle.  For everyone to see it, it would have to happen every second of every moment for all of time - so we would all experience it, but then it would cease to be a miracle.  So.....all that to say.....all the apostles could do was run and tell everyone they knew!!!  They saw something.  They experienced something.  And they couldn't help but tell everyone.  Their friends.  Their family.  To travel around telling strangers.   And eventually, thank goodness for us, they even wrote it down (the gospels).  It is up to us whether we trust their testimony - if we take what they say to be true.

A friend in Turkey asked Curtis and I after getting to know us a bit if we were "religious."  Curtis hesitantly said.....yes.  But everything inside of me wanted to say NO!!!  I'm not just "religious."I don't follow a dead religion.  I'm not just picking to be religious or follow something.  To choose the one that sounds the best or most funky or fits with my lifestylde.  That gives me something to believe or do on the weekends.  I want the truth.  To follow the one that is TRUE!!!  The one that is actually real.    I believe with all I am.....that I have found it.  Found the one who laid the earths foundations.  The one who created life.  Who makes life complete and make sense.  I am connected to him.  He is a part of my everyday life.  He is changing me.  I am a Christian.  I know and follow Jesus.  The risen Christ calls me his child, his son.  So....no......I am not religious, slugging away at a set of rules for life.  I serve a living God.  The tomb was empty that day.  I wanted to scream  - HE LIVES!!!!,  just like the apostles. THAT is what I really wanted to say.

Which brings me back to the ruins.  Its everywhere.  It literally has spread everywhere.  All the way to us in Canada.  From a little, crappy stable and manger.  It has changed the world.   I stood at where Paul gave his address to the Athenians (Acts 17:16-33).  It blew me away.  It's right in the Bible.  In Athens there are all these monuments to Dionysis, cause he was some sort of Priest there to the Greek gods (Apollo, Zeus, Athena).  Paul in Acts tells us of how Dionysis was there when he spoke and that he was one of the first to believe in Christ and eventually started his own church.  It was right there in front of us to see!!!  Solid.  Correlating.  Secure.   It is woven through history.  GO READ IT!!!  This was where Christianity spread to the west, to Europe, to North America and eventually to me.  Because Paul was so bold as to stand at this place and preach the TRUTH.  Athens, Thessonalica, Corinth, Ephesus - they are all there to testify to the Bible's story, still today.  Churches begain to spurt up everywhere - the message was out.  The Messiah, the king had come.

So the ultimate question is why?  How did this all happen?  This massive following out of nowhere?  I think because of one thing - because its actually true.  Not because a new set of ideas came up that were better than the rest, but because Jesus claimed to be God himself and then proved so by actually dying and then rising from the dead.  The apostles said, we write to you so that you may know and believe.  That simple.  I'm sure for those 3 days after Jesus died when he had not risen they were pretty rattled, confused and depressed.  The Bible says they scattered.  I would have too.  They probably thought it was over.  They were wrong.   A fib.  If that was the case I doubt they would have run around telling everyone about it - let alone dying for it.  But then BAM!!!  Jesus rises and shows up with his scared hands and feet and says - I'm alive, now go and tell the world!!!  And so they did.   They were in the unique position to actually KNOW without a doubt whether or not it was true, because they were actually there, and every single one, save John, paid for it with their very lives.  They offered their vary lives professing it was true.  I don't know many people who will die for a lie, let alone 11.  The reason the structures are there - the museums, the cathedrals, the archeology, the inscriptions, the history - is because its true.  He indeed lives.

But the best part is still yet to come.  Not only did he rise again.....but he still lives today.  He is alive today.  With you and me.  He still beckons each one of us.  If there is one thing I've learned from this trip, is God's faithfulness and graciousness, to us out here on the road...each and every day - now.  When things are easily out of our hands.....he comes through.  When we are lost.....he comes through.  When we really need something and we offer it up in prayer......he comes through.  And for a couple of punks no less, like Curtis and I.  It is awesome.  So as much as I see it scattered across history, written down on tablets of stone, on ancient ruins - I find it written on my own heart.  His new promise for his believers and followers for today.  

It is not ironic that he gives us just enough "proof" or "history" or "evidence" to find him.  Not too much to overwhelm us, but not too little so as our doubt starts to consume us.  Just enough so that our decision is really free.  Cause thats what love is - free.  You must choose to love somebody.  You can't force love.  It must be freely given.  He has given us that freedom.  That choice.  That is our gift.  To seek and to find.  It doesn't take long once you believe to see his fingerprints everywhere - in Creation, history, archeology, the Bible and eventually, your very heart.  So as I leave Europe I am reminded of what Paul said that day on Areopagus Hill in Athens so long ago - "he is indeed not far from each and everyone of us."  

And so ultimately it comes down to the exact question he asked of his disciples way at the beginning - Who do YOU say I am?  It's the same question he asks of you.  Is he just some other founder of an outdated religion?  A good man?  A good moral teacher?  Just a man?  A myth?  OR............is he the living God.  The very centre of existence.  The very founder of life itself.  The Alpha and Omega.  The begining and the end.  The ruler of life AND of death.  C.S. Lewis says - you can either shut him up as a fool, or fall down at his feet and worship.  The choice is yours.

Confessions Of a BackPacker - I'm Just Trying To Get In Your Pants

First of all, apologies to my dearest mother. Probably not the most appropriate title considering the season. But stay with me. Now that I have your attention...let me explain.

Second, to my new friends from The Lazy Falken, although I doubt any will read this, those of you who do accidentely find themselves reading these words, a few clarifications are needed. I hope as you read, things will make sense and come together for you. Curtis and I had a blast with you and I have to say, thus far on our trip, the Lazy Falken was one of our most favorite stops. We had a great time in our short two days there hanging out with you, eating, wandering aimlessly, trying to find the cheapest food possible without causing indigestion, sledding, drinking some beers, playing caps, and just being together. But now you are being invited into a whole other depth of our person....one you may not have picked up during our short time in Interlaken.....so hold on.....and enjoy the ride.


Third, to my new friends in Bern, Switzerland. (Insert, deep exhale here), how do I express in a short few sentences the gratitude and love I have for you. You taught me many things and blessed me in ways you don't even know about. I had no idea you could connect on such a deep level in such a short time. It blew me away.....we honestly love you very much and wish we could have spent more time with you. Although if I ate anymore chocolate or cheese, I would have turned into a human fondue myself. I am learning one secret - it doesn't matter where you go or what country you find yourself in, when you have Christ at the center of your life, relationships flow naturally and gel rapidly together. That is what he brings in and through us. Now, I am learning and living, that this is a reoccuring theme. Funny, before we left, Curtis had Switzerland on his heart, now we know why.


Lastly, to my most dear friends back in Canada. I truly miss you and cherish you, especially during this important season. I miss the beers in the Rambler room, watching hockey, drinking too much coffee, laps, beating B-rad and Mins in playstation, and making fun of Dick. I think about eating turkey with my family and just reconnecting with them. Skyping Mom and Dad, Brett and Amanda, Jeff and Natalie, Tristyn, Nate and Isabella was a most cherished blessing to me out here on the road. My thoughts and heart are with you always.

Finally, back to my provocative title. Although this trip is intended to learn, laugh and love with others - to meet and enjoy people - to grasp new cultures and build new relationships, it also has some substance behind it. We want to serve our creator king - Christ Jesus. Be faithful to him. Listen to him in the stillness of the day and find his direction as we travel along his world. We have found that every person we have met, has not been by some sort of fluke or chance, but rather part of a bigger plan. And that has been so cool for us. (Just ask me about the story of finding Marius in Bern). We do not have any sort of hidden agenda or plan, but rather, simply, want to leave the world a little bit better off than it was when we first arrived. We hope our friends and hosts have found that to be so.

OK, now finally, to my ridiculous title.....lol. I think Christians, maybe you have found this too, can all too often try to shove Christ down peoples' throats. All to often beat you over the head with the Bible. Make you believe what we believe. Act without love, without gentleness and without truth. The apostle Paul suggests that we can sound like a huge, loud, annoying gong. GONG GONG GONG GONG!! Just typing it makes me cringe. I think this can happen all to easily on trips abroad, like ours - especially missions. We want to get in and get out. Affect people instantly, get results, have success, and then leave. So we can look at our chart of results and feel good about ourselves. I've heard people say before that they can believe in Christ, they like what they see in him....but it is his followers that stems their unbelief. This saddens me....and forgive me if I ever have caused such feelings......because I know for many....this rings true.

And thus, forgive me father, we are "just trying to get in your pants." We don't want to get to know you. We don't want to spend time with you. We don't want to hear your stories. We don't want to hear about your scars. We don't want to hear about how Christians have burned you in the past. We don't want an explanation of why you don't believe and the substantial (it has to be for someone not to believe and thus live a whole life committed NOT to believe) evidence backing your unbelief. We just want to use you. We want to add a knotch to our belt. Add you to the list. Convert, convert, convert. Then we feel successful, then we feel rewarded, then we feel like we've "succeeded." We've accomplished our goal!! We have just got into your pants....and now its time to move on, leave you and find the next. It's terrible. Disgusting. Perverted. And wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive us. For we don't know what we do.

But I am learning that these things take time. The people in Rwanda, Interlaken and Bern are teaching me. God is stirring my heart. I find with our North American concept of success and progress we always want to be the harvester. Reap the benefits. Get the glory and the honor. But for me, on this trip, in Africa and Europe, I am finding we are doing the opposite - we are planting seeds. Here and there, everywhere we go, we are flinging seed everywhere, and hoping and praying that it finds fertile soil. To trust that God will take those seeds and cause them to grow. And that, my friends, takes time. Both to sow and of course to grow. It is not an instantaneous process. And the crappy part about it is, often you can't watch it grow, you can't see it, you can't gage the 'progress.' You must trust, as the Bible suggests, that while you are away or sleeping - GOD causes it to grow. And the real crappy part about it is that someone ELSE might harvest it and reap the benefits of YOUR effort. You may not even SEE it. It is beautiful.

What I learned at the Lazy Falken was this...I am still human and often suck at doing life and showing my true colors. That I love people....to meet them, to get to know them, to hear their stories, but also that relationships take time - to get into the grit and substance of their everyday life. So I hope we do stay connected- I want to hear those stories. They are important....for they are yours. You taught me much and I hope I taught you at least something. I know we met for a reason......we are now going to Hong Kong for goodness sake!!!!! What are the chances we happen to have a layover in Hong Kong and meet Chris and Thomas who live in Hong Kong....in Switzerland of all places. Pretty cool. We do not want to fly in and out of peoples lives on this trip, but rather, create relationships that last, that have substance. That seeds are planted that will grow and flourish. And that doesn't come with a one-time smack over the head with a Bible, but rather with steady and subtle love. Flying in and out of people lives without having enough time to listen and dig deeper is simple bogus. People are worth more than that. I hope we never do this and forgive us if we do.

Also, from my friends in Bern. You have affected me deeply. You've affected our trip deeply (we stayed for 1 week longer than we thought we would!!!!). You have just proved my point!!!! You have taught and blessed me so much!! Relationships take time. They take work. They take trust. Not to say we can't affect someone instantly or the Spirit can't do a miraculous work in an instant, he can and does, but most often this Christian life and walk takes time, effort. And to be honest, that way, relationships have more depth. Which is what I found in Bern. People have come into my life, accepted me, invited me into their lives and homes, and thus have challenged me, taught me and affected me deeply. All things I'm not so sure would have happened over the course of a couple of hours or a moment. Things like Cheese fondue, Rokalet, worship times, jogging together, Sunday brunch, deep convos, crazy train rides with weird old men, 287 different flavours of yogurt, youth group Spitzbuben night, good red wine, and sooooooo much more. Worth every second.


And so a trip like this almost sounds contradictory.....we don't have enough time to get to know people....to have such rich relationships. Yet I believe the relationships I've come to enjoy and soak in will continue on until the day I die. They are the same relatoinships I talked of before I left. They are seeds being planted. So my message or thought for today is for different groups I guess. The diverse group of people who do call themselves my friends and who do wander there way into these words. My fellow backpackers in Interlaken, my dear friends in Bern and to my fellow listeners back home. Unbelievers and believers. As much as this trip is about a purpose, or meaning, or even mission field if you will, it is more a learning ground, a blessing, a realization that our greatest influence and chance to better the world is with the people we rub shoulders with everyday. The people we take the chance and time to 'get to know.' The people we take the time to dive into.....to embrace.....not just to get into your....well you know the rest. Its our friends on the road, our family, our friends at home, our fellow workers......we need to love them and cherish them with all you got. Always sowing what we can, watering and weeding with the Lord as we go. You don't have to travel the world to do this. In fact, at home is where your true colors shine brightest. No matter where you are - you are there. Forever influencing. Forever living. In the end, you decide how you will leave the world.


So I hope during your time over the Christmas holidays you have time to reflect and celebrate. That you spread seeds like crazy and take the time to water and weed them. May your time, no matter where you are, is as rich and delicious as Swiss chocolate itself.

Red Light.....Green Light

Direction. That word could probably sum up my last couple of weeks. Africa, London, Durham, Amsterdam and now Paris. Yesterday Curtis and I were standing around Amsterdam looking at each other, when we blurted out, "Wanna go to Paris!" It was priceless and pretty well sums up our trip thus far. Either that or one of my favorite two word phrases - gong show. Brittany, if you are listening, we could sure use your organizational skills!!!! Flying by the seat of your pants is fun......but we give that term a whole new meaning. If you could see us last night wandering the streets of Paris at 2:30am looking for a hostel - you'd understand perfectly....lol. But seriously it has been priceless (well, except when considering the Euros I've dished out so far, its been very priceFULL), just flying by the seat of our pants, not having anywhere to be or go, or answer to, just sort of be.


I must admit I can't blog about each of our experiences, they are simply too many - Pints and Pinters in Durham, Evensong and morning prayer in the Cathedral of St. Cuthbert, smores with the Millers (sorry Meghan), sitting in on a John Barclay class on Paul and Augustine, an English breakfast in downtown London, riding a ferry from the UK to Amsterdam, the canals of Amsterdam, walking around the Red Light District, talking with prostitutes, cheering up the ladies in a cheese shop in Holland, and now figuring out how to order a pizza in France without having the slightest clue what the heck will be on it (yesterday I ordered a Mediterranean pizza expecting a veggie dish and it was covered in fish!!!, but alas it was delicious - gotta love the French). I could easily blog a whole entry about any one of these experiences - I've cherished each one.


Yet I promised I would discuss one thing - direction. I find it fitting considering my circumstances. I've had a hard time transitioning back to "reality" here in the "real world." The hustle and bustle is hard to get used to after the red dirt of Africa. It's just so different I guess. It's been hard to know, on our tour, how to serve, how to love, how to follow Christ intimately in such a busy world - one that seems to ignore Him altogether. I must say, it was easier being a Christian - or at least feeling like one - in Africa. Here, in the progressive, modern world, I've found it much harder. Much more difficult to find my "direction."


Curtis and I often pray, talk about and research where we should go next. We call people, look for open doors and try to look for another when one is shut. And to be honest, its been hard. Often times we have been discouraged. We've seen a few contacts slip through the cracks recently and have felt like we weren't "doing" enough or "serving" enough and can feel insufficient. We have been lost, with no direction.


At the same time, as I'm trying to figure out my own life and calling. Whether it be farming, teaching, pastoring or writing, getting more education or just settling down, I again find myself lost. Maybe its my indecisiveness, lol, I didn't need to go on a trip like this to know that about myself. Let me tell you with Curtis along, it only gets worse!!!! Insert Brittany here again. But I sort of came to a subtle realization the other day as I was writing in my journal. Often, I think, we've been so concerned with trying to serve God, help people that we've sort of missed the point. We've been spinning around upside-down, not knowing where or who or what to do next. In the midst of looking for all of this life-giving opportunities, we have missed life itself. Just enjoying life and the beauty God has made us to be. Instead of being confident in who God made us to be and trusting that Christ IS and ALWAYS working through us - we try to do it all on our own. It's tiring and often depressing when we don't live up to our own "standards of success." I think it can be very similiar in our own personal lives.


Now, I'm realizing, that God is with us no matter where we go. His presence always exudes from us, because that is his temple, inside us - HE is the hope of glory - not us. His light shines through our cracks no matter what continent we are on. And it will always look different with different people, diferent cultures and different history. Now instead of dreading our next chapter of our trip and trying not to "plan" to much, we are excited and expectant to enjoy life and trust that God will be there when we get there, wherever that might be.


I think subconsciously we've compared our trip to that of Dan, Kenton and Jordans and even my month in Africa. They had an awesome trip and I've always told them how much that inspired me and how I look up to them. But, Curtis and I are learning that we are built different than those boys. We're in a different culture than Africa. We are built different, live different and will love and serve different. It's been hard, but when I realized this, I had a peace about it. All that matters is that we are willing, that we keep Christ at the center, and then the people/opportunites/connections will come. I wrote in my journal - we need to be less like Martha and more like Mary (I hope I got that right.) And so we're planning the rest out today with some - new direction. So we are going to enjoy Europe, take in the sights, enjoy life and at the same time pray, seek and ask that God would push us and steer us into people and towns as we stumble along.


Maybe you feel lost in life. Confused. Not sure how to live. Maybe you can relate - you feel like you're not doing enough. Your a failure as a Christian. I think we need to stop worrying so much about the hows, wheres, whens, and whats and just be. Keep Christ close to your hearts, subtlely follow Him, be willing, pray and seek - and the rest he'll faithfully fill in. I look at my life 10 years ago and when I realize that - I can vividly see - he is walking with me, he is pushing and guiding me along - even if I don't see it day by day. Know, that He is with you, always. When you put your trust and faith in Him, there is no where you can go where you can get lost. Stop worrying about trying to be in God's will and messing that up, but rather enjoy life, every second as it comes to you and realize no matter what you do, if you are seeking and holding Christ at the center, he will be with you and bless you. So make your "plans" as we are, and watch and find indeed, he will "direct" your path. Can't wait to see what's next.

Camp Gahini

Greetings to my Facebook faithful!!!! Apologies for my absence, but it is near impossible to get on the internet consistently here in Rwanda!!! I will try the best I can.


My thoughts, when I can get at them, will have to be shorter - like myself. So bear with me.


Africa is already changing my life. It is very difficult to narrow myself down to one "topic" or "issue" or "experience" while being here. So much is different. So much is happening. I am changing. The kids we meet are changing. God has been soooo good and faithful to us.


I will begin with an update I suppose. I am on a team of 11 people here in Rwanda, Africa and we are running 4 separate, 4 day camps in the month of November. Each week, we get a separate group of kids, all from different villages. Each camp, another 100 smiling, energetic faces show up to learn, live and enjoy life with us. It is awesome.


I suppose the first thing that sticks out in my brain is the simplicity of things here. This is really magnified when we play games with the kids. You wanna here the list? Ok. Musical chairs, dodgeball, frisbee, Simon says, what time is it Mr. Wolf. Shall I go on? Most of these kids are teenagers and they have an absolute BLAST when we play these games. I couldn't even imagine trying these games for Moose Lake in Canada. There is seriously an all out RIOT everytime we play musical chairs - with the winner always being hosted above their respective teams heads, carried across the room amidst cheering and chanting their teams name in victory. Simply stunning. The joy on their faces humbles me each day.


Joy. That is the next thing I'm learning. I realize that many of these kids probably come from hard places. Tough homes and at times, tough living conditions. And in Rwanda, everybody, no matter who you are, or where you live, continues to live with some sort of pain and scar from the genocide here in 94. Yet amidst these conditions, when I watch these kids worship their God - well, I am simply in awe. I realize as they sing, that nothing, absolutely nothing can take away their hope and their joy that they find in Christ Jesus. They sing with passion. They sing with purity. They sing with everything they have. I can see it in their eyes and on their faces. That is who they live for. I must say it is miles away from what I see and live in in Canada. I realized that no matter what happens to them, what they live through - no food, no parents, murder, diseases....the list goes on and on - NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY nothing can grab or snuff that joy, that hope, that they have. It is theirs. Nothing, not even the devil himself can take that away.


Thirdly and lastly. I am seeing that we truly are planting seeds in the lives of these kids. I see hope being sown, joy being renewed, love being lived and truth being proclaimed. They trust us. They love to listen to us, play games, sing with us, and even just hold our hands (Something I'm trying to get used to, especially with males). We are making a difference. We are planting the seeds, and scipture reminds us....the Lord will faithfully water them - even while we are away.


But, like I said, they are teaching us as much as we teach them. I have seen that things here are not what I expected. It's not what you see on TV. Life here....isn't absolutely terrible. What I'm finding is that....it's different. Sometimes I think, we in the West, are all to quick to force or shove our way of life on the people over here. I'm not so sure that is the way to go about things. What they have here is special. There culture is rich. Sure, maybe a man takes all day to haul bananas on his bike to his destination, but they put a premium on family, on community, on relationships, being fair and kind. It is so refreshing. Things are slower for sure. We still haven't gotten our volleyball court done!! It takes a week just to organize a shovel or rake, let alone a load of sand!!!! So perhaps some things need changing, but not as much as we first perceive. Progress, success and pride do not have the hold it does on peoples lives in Canada. Work does not come before family. You will not find the love of money consuming people and replacing the love of God. Sure there is some here......but not the epidemic we find in North America. In so many places, they are far richer and further ahead than us.


I love my country. I already can't wait to come home and visit family and friends, talk hockey and snuff Vegas, and eat bacon and eggs and roast chicken!!!!! But they are teaching me heaps here. As it turns out, I am realizing.......I am much poorer than I think.

Speak/Listen

Twice today I was reminded of perhaps the most important thing in life.

Relationships.

For in relationships we find two things - people and love.  In fact I am not sure any of the three can even exist independently of the other.  That is how we were created.....that is what makes us whole.

More important than status.  More important than money.  More important than success.  More important than "things."

Relationships are built into our very being.  They are at the center of what makes us truly human.  What makes us "greater than the birds and creatures of the earth."  We are distinct.  Special.  Precious.  Created to enjoy each other.  To enjoy creation.  To enjoy our world......together......in harmony.   I believe true life is ignited inside each one of us as we learn to love and trust in each other.

I have a test for you today.  Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror?  Dumb question.  But have you actually.....really looked at YOU.  Go look in the mirror.  Stare at yourself.  Don't look at your face, your lips, your eyebrows, your freckles, your zits, even your eyeball.  But look right inside of yourself.  Look directly into the very pupil of your eye.  The black.  Your soul.  See it?   That....is you.  

Weird eh?  It often freaks me out a little.  It's like I can see something eternal......something beyond just "me" as I know it.  I am more than just random molecules or matter.  There is a whole other part of myself.  Something deep down inside myself.   It's as if I can see LIFE itself - living right inside of me.  We all have it.  We all are alive.  It is our gift.  There to share with whoever we choose.

The beautiful part about it is, when we do take the chance to share it with others something profound occurs.  Relationship is born.  Trust, joy, love, experience, memory, and passion is birthed.  Our lives are elevated.  This is how it is supposed to be.  God has made us as relational beings.  We are to enjoy each other.  We are to celebrate life together.  We are to share our joys, laughter, sorrows and pains.........not alone..........but with one another.  It is magical.  God calls us his most prized possession.  His most celebrated of all creation.  We are complex, rich and invaluable in his eyes.

Without each other......I think we would cease to exist.  Life would not be....well.....life.  We need each other.  We need people to laugh with, to cry with, to run with, to joke with, to eat with......to just be with.  People, relationships, love - are more valuable than gold......more precious than silver.....more beautiful than diamonds.  Hold onto them tightly.

I realized this in two ways today.  The first came on a wave of frustration and pain.  I felt a relationship beginning to be severed......torn apart......and it hurt.  I tasted betrayal, something replaced relationship.  And then heartache ensued.  Relationships are complex, and need trust, honesty, sacrifice, communication and loyalty to survive.  They take work.  They take time.  They take patience.  They take perseverance.  It is no wonder that often when a marriage falls apart - one of these aspects is missing.  I am learning, as hard as it can be sometimes, they are worth fighting for.  I will try.

The second came as I was preparing to leave for my trip today.  3 friends came over and wanted to pray for me.  They knew they wouldn't see me for awhile, that I was excited and yet nervous.  I realized during their words how precious they were to me.  It was their presence more than there words that blessed me this evening.  They truly cared for me.  They were scared/excited/nervous with me.   And we shared that together.  A bond.  A common tie.  Life.   

I think this is why leaving is so hard.  Saying goodbye, no matter what the circumstance is, is never easy.  Anytime you share life with someone, a bond - relationship, is slowly created - as we learn to trust and love and lean on each other.  This is why funerals, after a whole life is lived and shared, are all the more difficult.  There is something about death that is not natural.  A break of this infinite connection shared together.  Someone we have let into our lives,  who's journeyed with us and shares our story.....appears to be gone.   Forever.  

 

BUT (thanks again Brian).  The Creator of our universe, of our life, of our existence, of our RELATIONSHIPS.........IS still writing this story we find ourselves in.  And it does not end there.  As important as I find my relationships on this earth....with my family, with my friends.....they pale in comparison to the one with my Creator King.  For he is the very artist behind them all.  Relationship is His - they stem from Him.  He created us as relational beings, because HE IS relational.  Relationships here on earth are but a fraction of the beauty, depth and hope found in my relationship with Him.  It is my relationship with my Creator King, my Father in heaven, that keeps me going day in and day out.  I find peace and hope that no matter what continent, country or town I find myself in....He will be there.   With me.  

And so life here on this earth begins to be less about me, less about my relationships with others.......and more about my relationship, my connection, my heart beating with Him.  He wants us to enjoy each other, yes, but above all he wants us to seek and find and enjoy Him.   When relationships fade, break or die, we can trust that His never will.  And through Him, we can have the strength to heal them, mend them and have hope to see them whole again.  Death is not the end for those who seek and find - whose hearts beat with Christ's.  This is only the beginning.  What we now know in part, we will know then, in full.

We can now live with hope and expectation.  Our relationships now become a celebration of what is to come.  Not a means to an end.  We can live with glorious expectation because we know that then, there will be no goodbyes, there will be no severing, there will be no leaving, no dying.  That is His promise.  This is where relationship with Him and with each other will finally be complete.  Relationship as it was meant to be.  

So although it saddens me to leave some of my dearest relationships behind, I have a joy that new ones will be cultivated.   Where more life will begin.  So for the next 3 days, before I leave, I want to enjoy the deep, abiding relationships God has so graciously given me here as much as I can.  I will suck them in with all I got.  I would suggest....you do the same.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

I'm back!!!  Well....my thoughts are anyways.  I apologize to those who actually do read these, and also to myself.  I need to express myself and one of my favorite ways to do this is through writing. So having said that, I am going to write........and write more abundantly.  

I also have to apologize for being scared.  I think all of us to a certain degree are self- conscious.  We want to be accepted.  We want those around us to enjoy and understand who we really are.  And often we will sacrifice who we really are for fear of rejection.  That people won't understand or "get" us.  I am no different.  I am often scared to write, or to be myself, or to live, because, well to be honest, I am scared of what people will think of me.  Who is going to read this on Facebook?!?   Should I delete the link?!?   Should I write that?!?!?  OR should I possibly introduce people into a part of me that they may or may not know.......the real me.......and take the chance.  That is what I want.

I want myself, you, us, to be who we were created to be.....ourselves.  To be genuine, unique, creative and distinct.  To be you.  How boring would the world be if we all walked around the exact same people, like robots.  I don't want that.  I want to be me.  I want you to be you.  And so from here on out.....you'll get me, Ned, uncut...which brings me to my next thought.

I've always wanted to go around the world.  To travel.  To see different cultures.  To learn from them.....to meet people and their way of life different from ours.  But I've often been terrified what people would think of me.  That I'd just be going on some holiday, or that I'm just "running away."  Or that I should be working at a fulltime winter job -  I'm just lucky or spoiled, or weird.  In fact, ask my father, I was even too terrified to tell my Dad of my plans to delay my studies for a year at Regent and travel - it went, once again through our secret decoder - my mother.  Yet.....I write today because I am going.  I'm following through on a dream of mine.  One that has been planted in my heart for a long time.  And so.......  

Around the world.  That is my plan for the upcoming winter.  I am stoked.  I fly out to Africa November 2nd, then to London, out of Turkey to India, to Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia and eventually to Australia and then back home.  Beeeeaaahhhhhh!!!   And to be honest - this is my heart on paper - "To Learn About God Through His World and To Serve His People."  Really that is my desire.

I believe through this statement I WILL experience the greatest, most exciting, most fulfilling trip I could ever imagine.  If what we say we believe as Chritians is really true - that all things visible and invisible were created by and through Christ - and devoting such a trip to the creator of the very world I am exploring.....what could be better?  I hope and expect that I will learn a lot about my Savior and inevitably, myself.  By discovering Him through his majestic world, meeting people, helping people, and ultimately loving people wherever and in whatever culture I find myself in.  

But I am terrified.  I am scared that what I pray for, what I so feebly ask for, might come true.  That the Lord would grab my heart so deeply that I would never be the same.  That he would truly wreck me and break my heart for what breaks his.  That my selfish desires that I so desperately hold onto would be cut off.  That I would find myself......changed.  I'm scared of what I'll see.  I'm scared of what I'll learn.  That I won't be able to live ignorant of my duties or responsibilities in this life, first, as a human being and secondly, a servant of Christ.

Which ultimately breeds - Failure.   That is my biggest fear.   Failure itself.  How can I live this life of servanthood and sacrifice around the world if I can't even do it at home?  I still have deep scars embedded into my person that I still trip and stumble over all the time.  I can never seem to get this Christian life figured out let alone perfected.  I was reading an article on Relevant's website about a guy who suffered a hard divorce.  He left his job and fled to Auckland.  It was here that he discovered true integrity.  He says, "When you go somewhere no one knows you, you can be anyone you want to be." And again, "It’s the age-old question of who you really are when no one is around to judge you. And, you don’t have to move across the globe to experience it. If I’ve learned one thing from my experience here, it’s that we decide anew each day who we’re going to be. We don’t just craft a well-practiced personality, good or ill, and then ride it out. It’s in the choices we make moment by moment. Will we live for God, point our actions toward integrity, or will we live for ourselves and the immediate gratification of the moment? Will we still live for Christ if there’s no one watching?"

That's what scares me.  Who am I really?  Do I really believe what I believe when no ones watching?  Will I still live with integrity then?  How can I?  I can't even do it here in Eston.....in my home town.  I already AM a failure.....maybe I shouldn't go.

BUT.......Brian Tysdal told us once in class that Christians should have "big butts."  Thanks Brian.......its true.  Although Christ asks us to "be perfect," that is NOT what he expects.  That is our goal to strive for, but not the reality he expects from us.  He asks that we would go.  That we would be willing.  That we would give him our hearts and we would follow.  Then, with Him, we will begin the lifelong winding road to "perfection."  As he grabs our hearts, bit by bit, day by day, through little choices here and there, he transforms us.   For now, I can say, looking back at my life....that he truly and honestly.....walks with me.  I am changing.  Perfect will have to wait until he comes again.

Although I must admit - I am still terrified.  I am scared of what I'll find and see.  I'm scared of who I am and who I will become.  I am scared I do not have the strength to walk out what I do find.  BUT I do have the utmost assurance that my Savior walks with me.  That his mercies in my life and in your life are NEW EVERY MORNING.  If there's one thing I've learned in this life, its when you are most vulnerable and weak that the Lord is most faithful and true.  It is in the moments when you can't lean on anything else.......when you are forced to lean only on Him that you realize it isn't by your own strength that you stand, but his.  It is not a fairytale, or crutch....but as real and raw as it gets. It is Him, who will and who has ultimately guided my life and has and will continue to heal those scars inside me.  I am confident that he will continue that and will continue to cut off those branches in my life that cause "bad fruit."  You, my friends, are no different.

And so I will go.  Although I find myself in a paradox - being totally stoked and excited to see the world, meet those God puts in my path and learn about myself, the world and Him.  I am equally as terrified to go, for I know my weaknesses, my failures and the selfish things I cling onto so tightly.  But I will go.  I do not know what to expect.  I can't see the future.  But I do have FAITH -  an expected and assured hope in the one who will be walking with me while I'm out there wandering his world.

Meet me here next week.

Ned